Gents Guide to the Perfect Festival

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gents-guide
Gents Guide to the Perfect Festival
As boring as it sounds the more thought and preparation you put in before the festival, the easier it makes festival life.  The less time you spend setting up camp the more time you have to drink, get in the festival mood and spot the female talent that always flood the festival scene!
What to take?
There are two options for packing, depending how dedicated you are to being ‘truly’ comfortable:
1 - For the easy option and relatively light lugging.  Less is more, Pack only what you need! Wear the biggest stuff (tie coats round you) and then using at least a 65L rucksack for:
Tent – Small 2 man tent or spread the load of a big tent between mates staying in it.  Small sleeping bag, roll matt (necessary for cold floors).  Torch, lighter
Clothes -  spare jeans, 2xshorts, 4xt-shirt (clean t-shirt hides a world of dirt), pants, socks etc.  
Cleaning – baby wipes, alcohol hand gel (before food advisable!), anti-perspirant , lady-tamer (after shave), toothbrush, toilet roll.
Food & Drink – if you’re packing light take plastic bottles of wine or spirit and buy the rest.  NB: Chocolate melts.  There are also multiple road side stalls selling beer, warm but requires the least amount of walking.
2 – If you don’t mind the extra effect and lugging what you can opt for take what you like and do multiple trips or get a wheel barrow!  I have previously enjoyed a full fry up in the morning and chicken curry in the evening by taking my 2 hob burner.  Same year as taking a proper BBQ and cooking giant prawns on the campsite! If you have a sack barrow (or multiple trips to the car) you can also pile on crates of beer, take at least 1 each person, they don’t last long!

Onsite goodies
Meeting new people is one of the best aspects to a festival.  Everyone is in the same frame of mind and easy to converse with.  Make yourself interesting, this invites people to come to you, dress up, makeup, think of games to engage other festival goers i.e. free hugs, shot for a kiss, picture with a random.  Let you imagination go wild.
Nearly all festivals stop you bringing your own drink into the arena, blatantly to maximise their own sales.  However, if you have a water bottle that looks un-opened you can get away with clear liquids....sometimes!!
Don’t throw away that paper drinks cup! No don’t take it to the recycle and get 10p, put it in your back pocket for when you cant get out of the crowd quick enough and need to lose some unwanted fluids! Remember grass absorbes the liquid, grows then makes oxygen, your practically saving the planet!
Games make the campsite fun, think of something before you arrive, water balloon, giant catapult....etc.
A trip into town is worthwhile for a proper sit down meal, good toilet and an excellent time to restock the beers.

Onsite minefields
Toilets – obvious one really.  Pay attention to cleaning times, you want to avoid when they are emptying (stink is indescribable).   But get in there quick after before they get bad again and before the loo roll runs out.  N.B  don’t look down!
Food – be wary!  If a sausage looks like it’s been sitting there a while it probably has.  Become a veggie for the weekend, less chance of dodgy meat.  
Sex – pointless.  If you don’t get it the first night, don’t bother! 1 word HYGIENE! 
Showers – don’t bother, queues are only small when the big acts are on.  Don’t sacrifice festival fun for cleanliness.
Pitch – don’t pitch next to: walkway, ice cream van, toilets, anywhere stupid.   Don’t leave anything outside it will disappear!  If you have a nice space outside your tent/s don’t expect it to be there if you leave it, secure it with a fire or gazebo.
Crowds – watch out for cups of warm yellow bodily liquid flying around.  It’s inevitable, don’t get angry get even! 
Friends – pick a landmark in main arena (drink, food, toilet related) so that if you lose anyone you won’t be on your own for long, although it is very easy to make new friends! (female)
Drugs – if anyone offers say no.  You have no idea what it is and how you will react.  Drink and good cheer will see you through!
In summary be safe, be legal and have an amazing festival

Published on 06 February 2011 by Wayne Feltham

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